The Welcoming Committee
by azazelbunny
Summary: Now that he's 17, Dipper decides it's time for him and his sister to revisit his favorite shack in all of Oregon. There to welcome him home is an old friend/foe - Bill Cipher. We're going to see where this goes - credit goes to tumblr user theshippingturtle for the description of human!Bill AND for the cover art!


**[I don't think there are any warnings? Message me if there are so that I can add them in the future.]**

"And here we have a baby pine tree in its natural habitat!"

Dipper yelped and dropped his flashlight, which promptly turned itself off and plunged him into total blackness. The forest fell silent and became unnaturally still. Despite his racing heart and sweaty palms, Dipper felt his mouth twitching into a faint smile. A face appeared before him, just a few inches from his own, illuminated by the flashlight which the man extended to him with a polite nod.

"B-Bill?"

"In the flesh." He stepped back and motioned to his new form. Startlingly white teeth flashed down at him. Though they were arranged in a smile, they were also small and came to razor-sharp points, so the expression hardly looked friendly. A carefully fluffed and spiked mass of butter-yellow hair sat atop his head in sharp contrast to his earthy brown skin. And, perhaps it was just the night playing tricks on him, but Dipper could have sworn that one glowing blue eye was fixed on him with a (somewhat terrifying) glimmer of fascination. An eye patch covered the other. It had a pattern stitched into it in such a way that it looked as if his right eye was caught in a permanent wink. "Whaddya think, kid?"

"I'm hardly a kid anymore, Bill." Dipper sighed and folded his arms stubbornly across his chest. "It's been five years. I'm 17 now."  
>"Oh-ho! You're really elderly now, pine tree! Well, let me just put on my best suit and tie and we can go do <em>boring<em> stuff in _boring_ places like _boring_ adults." Bill stuck his tongue out and disappeared into the darkness. A moment later he was back, now dressed in a yellow and black suit and tailcoat. He twirled a cane between his fingers masterfully before driving it into the ground at Dipper's feet. "And you didn't answer my question. I asked you what you think of my new look."  
>"You look…" Dipper bit his lip, struggling to find the right word to describe the cause of the warm knot in his stomach. "Nice."<br>"Nice?" Bill cocked his head to the side questioningly. "Nice. That's the best you've got for me. Nice."  
>"Well what do you want me to say? That you look pretty?"<br>"You could at least call me_ acute _triangle." Bill's laughter drowned out Dipper's distressed groans. By the time he calmed down he was floating about three feet off the ground and clutching his stomach. Flicking a tear from beneath his eye he added: "Ha, I disgust me."  
>"Anyway…" Dipper set off in a direction that he assumed would lead him home. "You didn't lure me out here into the woods just to make horrible puns, did you?"<br>"Oh, heavens no, of course not. I just thought we should...catch up. Like you said, it's been five years. Who knows what's changed since the last time we met?"  
>"Changed?"<br>"Interests, appearances, taste in media, taste in women - or maybe you've moved on to men, I don't know. I just wanted to catch up." Bill put on his best 'look how hurt my feelings are' face and blocked Dipper's path. "Can't a couple of friends have a little 'welcome back' chat?"  
>"I got taller." Dipper offered, stepping around him. "That's about it."<br>"Now listen here, Pines." The blue glow Bill's eye cast upon the ground turned red, bringing Dipper to a sudden halt. "I crafted myself a bag of springy, disgusting meat and bones just for you. I didn't even steal these parts from living people!"  
>"Oh God, are you telling me you're wearing a bunch of corpses?" Dipper's voice became shrill and childlike for a split second. Long enough to call back that soft blue glow and a nearly imperceptible smile on Bill's face.<br>"Well you never did like me borrowing things that were currently in use. These people weren't using their fleshy vehicles, so I re-purposed them. And I think I gave myself a pretty nice paintjob, don't you?"  
>"Yes, Bill." Dipper sighed. "You did a good job. You look good."<br>"I know."

_[Azazel's Note: I just did a marathon of Gravity Falls and decided that, because I have amazingly talented friends that draw Bill/Dipper art, I'll get on the fanfic train. So this is sort of a test run for me. Feedback is SUPER appreciated! I will _hopefully _be continuing this, assuming feedback is positive (or at least productive). Especially input on whether or not I stayed (reasonably) in character and whether or not this seemed too ranty. Let's see where this goes! Description of human!Bill based off of theshippingturtle's art, which is ALSO the cover art! Story idea comes from anonymous request.]_


End file.
